Month in Review: November
November was a decent month. Until I heard of the deaths of Kim Porter and then Tosyn Bucknor. Not that people do not die every month but reading about the circumstances of the deaths of both women left me with a chill and a reminder of the finality of life. Both were found unresponsive in their homes from where they passed on. They died within a week of each other, leaving in their wake loved ones beholden in grief and unsure of where to pick up the pieces of their now fragmented lives and heal wounds that would never heal. Yet again, I remembered that tomorrow is not promised to anyone and it takes one phone call or message to change life as we know it.
I didn’t know Kim Porter but my heart bleeds for her children who have to grow up so suddenly without their mum. Tosyn Bucknor, I met once and saw at events in Lagos when I still lived in Nigeria and always admired her from a distance. I admired her zeal and drive for living life to the fullest with no holds barred in spite of living with sickle cell disease. I admired her creativity and passion for promoting music and causes she cared about. It is evident by the eulogies and outpouring of kind words on social media that she did touch a lot of lives. I am glad that she lived life on her own terms and appeared to live out her dreams. I’m sure she had more dreams and goals she would have liked to see fulfilled but it appears as though her time had come and that would have to be enough. Her death has led me to ask myself what stories I would like to be told about me once I am no more, the pictures I want to be painted and highlighted. I hope to live life even half as much.
Apologies for starting the post on such a grim note but I needed to get that out.
I probably talk about this every other month but it was in November that I realized I am not happy with my life as I know it. I have gotten too comfortable. I thought life would play out on its own and magically deal me the cards I deserve without necessarily doing anything to achieve this. Lol. Life clearly doesn’t work like that.
I went through a phase this year where I lost all confidence and started to see myself as less deserving and unworthy of a lot. Unfortunately, this affected my drive significantly and I became too exhausted to fight for the life I want. To be honest, I felt lost (still do) and confused about the future. I questioned if my dreams were valid and so decided not to fight anymore. It was this month that I confronted and addressed these feelings. On another note, I received some unsettling news at work but am taking it in my stride and looking forward to the future. I’m dealing with a lot of uncertainty in my life right now but I have no doubt that things will work out as they usually do so this time I choose to not be worried. I accepted that I can’t always be in control so I’ll let God do his thing.
But November dragged. Looking back, it seemed to go on and on like an extension of January.
- I watched Tasha Cobbs in concert which was an amazing experience. I love her and have been wanting to see her perform live since I discovered her music in 2014 so this was a dream come true
- I visited New York city for thanksgiving and had a nice time catching up with friends and family. I had promised to do a travel diary but the weather had other plans so I couldn’t do the touristy things I had planned. It wasn’t my first time in NYC but I realized I’ve only seen a handful of the tourist attractions NYC is famed for so I was hoping to add a few more to my list this time.
- I’ve always admired Michelle Obama so when her book came out, I thought about getting it. While I was still trying to make up my mind on the best time to order it, a lovely friend sent it to me as a gift. It was a very pleasant surprise and I’m grateful for these friends. So, I’m reading that as well as Stay with Me by Ayobami Adedayo which I’m almost done with.
I still cannot believe 2018 is almost over. What do you have planned for the rest of the year? I know this is taking-stock season so in that spirit, how did you fare with your goals for the year? Hopefully, you made good progress. I revisited my end of the year goals today and laughed out loud. Let’s just thank God for life.
Happy December. Hope you finish the year off with a bang!